There are times that we all become indecisive of what we should do concerning a matter. Every day we are all faced with small or big decisions that we have to take in our lives. But for some making a small step is perceived as being a giant leap that needs to be calculated over and over again. I felt that even though people are faced with uncertainties in the end they become clear and can solve every day problems. Lately I have realized that I was wrong as I can see that we have become hesitant to solve even the smallest things, we are often unclear of what we want and leave the decisions to others.A friend is searching to buy a house for the last three years. For many reasons it is eminent that she moves as soon as possible but buying a house has become the biggest risk of her life. She always finds an excuse or a reason for not buying the house that she has just seen. She has even started to believe in omens that tell her that it will be unlucky to buy a particular house. When she decides to buy the house and gives a deposit she regrets and loses her deposit. She is stuck and can not move on because she is too afraid that she will regret it in the future if she realizes that she did not make the best choice. Therefore she is stuck and tormented with the mere thought. She is the person that can not study because she thinks she will fail or the person that stays with her boyfriend because maybe no other person will love her. And it’s not just her.
The difficulty of taking decisions and risks is intensifying. Hesitance has expanded like a virus. We seem unable to trust our instincts and logic and ask everybody of what they think in order to do something. I think a reason that people do that is in order to shift responsibility to others. If something goes wrong then we can blame someone else as others have influenced our decision. And usually always something goes wrong when we are hesitant.
Taking risks and making mistakes is what living is all about. I think that this is how we learn about ourselves, how we develop coping mechanisms and grow. This is what life is about and this is called living. Indecisiveness can lead as to a vicious circle from which we can not escape and become dependent and unable to rely on ourselves.
When has it become so difficult making mistakes and why our every choice has to be so damn perfect anyway?
One step further is all that's needed.
(picture by adnil)
12 comments:
The theme you are bringing here rania reasonates with many people I think, philosophers contemplate its virtues, politicians struggle, babies may be the only exception. One way to understand indecisiveness is to see it as a consequence of the amount of choice we have today: if your friend for example had only housing option, choosing would (most likely) be an easier task for her.
Another way of seeing the matter is by focusing on the person and by excluding other exogenous factors: truly many people struggle with decision making process. Some may undergo internal processes, some may find themselves trapped in a labyrinth. There are people of course who just don't see indecisiveness as a problem; they tend to decide easily.
Indecisiveness does exist and it does plague many people. It is not always easy to advocate 'a way out of the problem'. Indecisiveness is complex, it cannot be dealt with a statement 'I decide to decide easy' as in 'I quit junk food'.
One way to approach the problem is to reorient one's position with regardd to the decision making process: indecisiveness may become a problem because of the magnitude we attach to it, because of the fear of wrong choice/failure, because of permanent unsatisfaction among many of us. If we try to downgrade the cause, if we break it in smaller pieces or if we try to cultivate something positive we may achieve better results, we may eliminate the fear or anxieties associated with indecisiveness or just feel better about deciding. A second way is to group 'decisions' into categories such as 'important' versus 'non-important' and build/use our value system to decide. A third way is to train ourselves for a potential unsatisfaction: this can take off much pressure when deciding.
So sorry about the huge reply...
Great topic you picked on and one I have been contemplating for a long time, too.
I don't have anything more to say than what Anastasia said, I fully agree with her reasonings. Too many choices and posibilities some times spoil the decision making process. And we are afraid more, for some bizarre reason. As if things will collapse around us. We have become monoliths in this society, enslaved in the daily grind and the need to continue having our illusions of freedom.
That's a toughy for such early in the morning, I will come back after some re-think, later on.
Anastasia:- your reply stunned me and makes me admire you even more as a person.
Psychologists that are faced many times with people trapped in a vicious circle of indecisiveness do what you mention exactly.They break the problem into several categories that can be achievable.The only problem is that many times people are not aware of what they want or change their mind easily.You are right when you say that it can be a direct cause of the vast choice that we have in our society.However my friend has a difficulty not only choosing between the many choices but is afraid to change even the smallest thing or try new things.
In that essence it has more to do with shifting responsibility as others decide for her "they told me its the best thing to do".Moreover, it has to do with the fear of regection and failing.And of course with the vast choices that we have.
I think developing simple problem-solving techniques can be very helpful for people who are hesitant and are afraid to move even the least.Maybe also it has to do with self-esteem.Failing can be a disaster for some and an opportunity to try hard for others.
Wonderful comment anastasia, thank you so much!
Kosta:- I also think like you that we are slowly losing our freedom and become dependent.Why do you think this happen and is it something that you have observed among your friends?
You said that you have benn contemplating on the issue.
Do write more!
Pixie, I myself am very indecisive. And it can be very frustrating, even at the most basic levels. For example, for a long time now I have serious problems deciding how to spend my evenings after work/gym/food/dishes are done. Say, I have 3 hours or so do do something, yet I usually hover around doing nothing in particular. I always seem to want to do too many thanks and yet I achieve in doing nothing.
Kosta,maybe you just need a bit of planning because I have the impression that you generally know what you want.We can all be hesitant at times and we all get bored and change plans.I think Anastasia's advice will be of help to you.I usually decide easily but the problem I have is wanting to do too many things.Sometimes I get so tired that I give up.Sometimes though its good not to do anything at all and philosophise on what you want.
Stopping someone on a daily basis of performing can be a problem...
But every difficulty has a solution.
Nice subject and comments. Maybe anastasia has already said enough of what I had in mind. I have nothing more to add..
I remember the "What to do in my time" indecision at times. I had that too at times due to my anxiety about my little creative time opportunities. Nowadays I just choose something randomly or try to relax and do nothing in such cases. Though, maybe I haven't been through hard cases of having to struggle chosing between important paths in my life. Or maybe I wasn't caring enough..
My friends say that my problem is between choosing doing anything or nothing. Most times I just can't do the next step and prefer to stay at the same condition. Though this is not much indecision for me but fear. I wish I could choose any of the given choices rather than staying stil..
..maybe your friend with the house is afraid to do the next step and that doesn't have to do with indecision rather than fear to move on. They say for some people that they seek for the perfect solution so that they never have to make a realistic next step, because they will keep searching for perfection instead of catching up with the little reachable things. I am not sure how exactly true is that with various cases of friends and myself..
I agree, "trial and error" is a fundamental method of evolution.
You give a very sweet and honest approach to so many of life's issues, I find it very a bright piece of thinking.
Optimus you have a point there she is definately afraid to move on but because I know her I know that she is always hesitant about everything and always ask me her mother or others on what to do. Doing nothing can keep you still but maybe you need your time.You have such an understanding of yourself optimus!
Stormrider I told you that I value your comments a lot haven't I ? You did not tell me about yourself though and how you are when faced with decisions.I am curious!
well, I just evaluate the facts and when numbers do not add up, I just improvise!
Stormrider, I am sure that you are good at improvising,you seem to be following your insticts a lot!I added you in my links if thats OK.
Φιλάκια πολλά!
"errare humanum est" is a phrase that many put on the top of their string of thoughts, and always overvalue. to risk something, makes your mind seeing things in many different ways and angles, and keeps you in alert all the time. falling off your plans is in the game, but in any case man should be stand ground over the result of his actions, possitive or negative Blaming others for falure is the most easy way to clean yourself of the falure, but indicates the weakness of your beeing.
i personally stand ground for anything i do and say, wrong or right (even if i now it from the beginning thats not right), but after all these years i learned many lessons and, i came to the conclusion that in 99% of cases my first thought was always right or the best.
As if the present conditions were perfect... I'm not sure though, if it's a problem of indecisiveness or fear of change.
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