There is one person in my life that I considered a best friend and now we are estranged. The world is so small that it’s true that you can meet anyone by chance. I was at the beach with my boyfriend and I saw him. The first feeling I had was anger and then evolved into sympathy. Within a year he got married and had a child. What hurts me is that we used to be like brother and sister for so many years and now we are complete strangers as if there was never a friendship. I haven’t seen his child, I was not invited at the wedding, I never met his girlfriend and this hurts me the most.We met when I was 16 at a concert. He liked me at first but I made it clear from the start that I was not interested but he persisted to meet me because he said that he never met someone that he could connect so well and we became friends. We were going out with our common friends and talked about everything. We had relationships and life went on. We shared holidays, birthdays, daily life, important and unimportant moments. We both studied in England but in different universities and I use to visit him and his girlfriend very often. He met all my boyfriends and traveled for my graduation. We both graduated and we came back in Greece.
Then something happened…When he introduced me to an old friend and now my current boyfriend he realized that we might form a relationship. But I was shocked to find out that he was not happy at all. The lies that he told, the cruel words that he said were unbelievable! The possessiveness that he expressed was unimaginable it was as if he was someone else. As a result everything changed in a week. The glass broke and there was no glue to be found.
We did not speak then for two years and then he called me to say that he is sorry but it was so difficult to forget what happened. I tried but some things just can’t heal no matter how hard you want them to. There is a limit and that limit was crossed. We went out but it was obvious that we talked like complete strangers.Then silence...Then following another year he called me and told me that he is going to be a father because his girlfriend is pregnant. He got married and I was not invited at the wedding. His wife does not know I ever existed and I am left with a rollercoaster of emotions inside me.
So we are back at the beach. I am praying that he doesn’t see me or that he doesn’t speak to me but there he is approaching me .I did not want to speak to him because I hate making small talk conversation with someone that knew every little thing about me. How can I talk with someone that I loved so much about the weather?
When we started talking I realized that I still care about him. The anger that I first felt when I saw him turned to sympathy. I am sad because he abandoned me at a time that was difficult for me, said things I know he did not mean but was cruel, tried to destroy my relationship and then I told him that we need to part our own ways… I felt emptiness without him. After all, its not easy to have a best friend nowadays and I know he is a nice person. The people that know us told me that he was still in love with me after so many years. But I believe that he just felt threatened that something might change between us.
Close friends come apart and relationships collapse and leave you empty and heartbroken. But you still forgive and remember and find difficult to erase something that was meaningful. But the worst of all is to be forced to make small talk conversation and pretend that nothing ever happened with someone that you loved. I am sorry I just can’t talk with you about the weather!
(art by libelle)
10 comments:
You have no idea how much this rings true to me right now.
I have to add, though. It is not easy. Put too people together and have feelings involved, and it's not easy by far. I guess we can easily become someone or something else this way.
I guess the key is to concentrate in the actions rather than the words.
Quite weird situation. Probably everything could be solved if he had invited you to his wedding or to the hospital when his child was born. You would break the ice through joyful events.
I think you should take the initiative to invite him to similar events that may take place in your life. If he still refuses to participate, then the guy has issues that unfortunately cannot be solved.
ggk is right. There are two parties in this example. If he cannot approach you for any reason, it's up to you to try if you so wish. But if you try and there is no reciprocation, there is nothing much else you can do.
People don't really change, at the end f the day, unless they want to.
@ggk
I will take the initiative in the future to invite him into my joyful events.Its just sad not to recognize any longer a person that used to be a best friend.
@apotheosis
The difficulty is that he is approaching me but we talk like strangers because now we are.And I hate making meaningless conversation as if we have met for the first time.It reminds me what we had and what we have become and I hate pretending so much!
It's all about physical attraction, wollust. You see how strong an emotion this is?
And that's something women cannot always realize about men.
Time spent apart always has that saddening effect. Every different effect and event takes you more and more far from that person. I am sorry for your loss (and of course, his). But maybe time will give you a chance to have a cup of conversation in the future.
I know its hard but don't be too hard on yourself.
@κουνουπι
Υοu seem to know more...Physical attraction but not from my part.
@gorgi
Where do meaningful but past relationships go?
Ι just saw the post, but I have been reading your blog frequently for the past year- it's very interesting.
I have been in a similar situation, from the boy's point of view. Friendship is an odd thing between men and women. I think than like κουνούπι said men can very rarely not be attracted to a girl they have made friends with, by nature but also because it is rare for boys to connect with girls, usually they aren't interested in the same things. And between friens there is always a connection. I can't speak for women, but it seems they can more so (not be attracted -despite the connection). It's also rare for girls to connect with boys I suppose, but it seems the physical part is more important, cos it comes harder. I mean for boys connection=attraction cause the physical part is a given.
So that leads to the boy being possesive or jealous, because he cannot understand why the frienship doesn't become a relationship, deep down at least. I suppose he doesn't want to understand, due to ego.
In your case I think you should talk it over with him and find out what he really feels (just a thought). He can't be too happy with smalltalk either. Of course sometimes the glass is just broken..
@gnic nus
I am so happy that you made the effort to comment.You present the other viewpoint, the viewpoint of the boy that is difficult for me to understand.You are right its rare to connect with people in general and this can create romantic feelings.And this is totally understandable.
What hurt me in this particular case was that he tried to destroy my life or avenge me as if we were together.Sadly the glass was broken but I look kindly on the matter.Besides he was a person that couldn't handle his emotions in the end.Thank you for reading me and do stop by.
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