When we met we liked each other from the start. I met you in the class and immediately we connected. We started talking like we knew each other for years and had lots of fun in the classroom. We spend time in the dark room developing photos while talking about our lives, interests, music and aspirations. Every time we talked we were amazed that we had so many things in common and I think that it’s been years since I met such an open-minded person like you. The more time we spend with each other (even though we only met in the class or in the trips that we went as a group) the more I realized that you could become someone important in my life you could become a best friend.Then suddenly after two months you started calling me more often and told me that you wanted to meet me outside the lesson as you didn’t see why photography was the only reason that we met.You text me on my mobile saying that you want to know me better and that when you see me time becomes meaningful. Then I realized and feared that your feelings were not just friendly. Then I decided to go out with you after the class to the local cafeteria before it becomes too late. There you told me that I am beautiful and that you liked me from the start and I froze. I told you that I don’t feel the same way and that I can never fall in love with someone I consider a friend. It never happened to me in the past and it never will. I realized then that in this moment our relationship ended. It ended because our expectations did not meet. We came so close so quickly and all vanished in an instant.
Few days ago we met at the exhibition and you sat next to me because there was an empty seat. You sat for 10 minutes and then you left as it was a bit awkward. I am sad because it is rare to find someone in your life that you connect so much and you told me that you are amazed by it. I am sad because now every time we will meet it will be awkward and all I want to do is to sit next to you and have these passionate endless conversations and share moments with you. Because you avoid me I am sad. How I wish you never liked me!
(art by libelle)
9 comments:
:) It will never happen, Pixie! When a man starts having feelings for a woman, friendship is not an option after rejection. And it is rarely an outcome after acceptance, too, at least in the long term. The relationship will eat the friendship, more often than not.
But I understand what you mean and I do think that it can happen the other way round (woman to man) as well, just not as often. For a guy, the sentence "but I see you as a friend" is a real killer! Ask any man!
Kostas.
www.sarampalis.org
(this damn blogger always kills external blog links!)
Well, I've experienced that situation on both sides, and I know its very sad.
From the lover's view, I did exactly what your friend did, cause I felt very humiliated (I was 17 years old, I dont know if I would act differently now)
From the friend's view, I understood the girl's feelings from the beginning, and I was feeling panicked by the fact that I held one girl's heart in my hands. Or that she was trying to find hope in some unusual glance or nod of me during our everyday interaction. Anyway, it was a torture...
καμιά φορά λάθος χειρισμοί χαλάνε τις πιό όμορφες φιλίες! αν δεν είχε δει απο εσένα κάτι διαφορετικό απο φιλία ήταν λάθος του! κρίμα!!!
σου έκανα πρόσκληση στην πυραμίδα
καλησπέρα σου
Έτσι είναι όμως... σκέψου και αυτόν. Θα πρέπει να είναι πολύ πιο αμήχανα. Μπορείς να κάνεις πάντως μια απόπειρα να τον προσεγγίσεις αν θέλεις, κακό δεν κάνει... και μπορεί τα πράγματα να φτιάξουν
This article really touched me. Maybe because I can truly understand and feel that guy. And that's because it reminded me something personal.
When I was quite younger (18-21?) I was such a newbie and passionate with life, while I struggled with various fears of mine that don't harm me too much now because I know quite much about myself now and can be more open with how life goes. I was the guy without a girlfriend (And I still am but I learned to not worry about it and take it easy). And at that time people knew that I had a strange obsession with the girls that are different, especially the programming and demoscene girls then. They called me a stalker for collecting photos of then and opening some extreme website called "female computer entities" (Ok, I probably went too far back then ;)))
But if we get a bit away from that point and warp to the future, we will reach to the point when a girl actually offered to listen about my worries. She seemed to be so kind and caring for she had several things to tell me about her miserable life too. She wanted to be heared too. And I liked that at the moment and she was a good friend of mine.
And if we move even more far away to the future, maybe 2-3 years later, still communicating with her on the irc at times was making me bored and I somehow made the thought that maybe I should cut off because I couldn't stand the stagnation of it anymore. Ok, that was in my weird case the fact that we were actually some thousand miles away and most probably I wouldn't find the opportunity to meet her in real life, also that I felt that she started being afraid/anxious of my attraction to her. It was too obsessive to not seem "dangerous"..
And it was me who made up a plan to find a way to get rid of our communication by writting her a stupid email that I regret about. And I totally hate the fact that I intentionally used elements that have nothing to do with me, like trying to criticise her life the way I'd hate people doing to me. I feel quite bad about that. I totally hate myself for that!
But the plan seemed like a stupid "You know, except from all the blatant critics I wrote there, I wanted to tell you that I actually loved you and then break off our communication because I can't take over my passion any more.." and this is really what it was about.
And she told me that I betrayed her and also that she was getting more anxious as long as we communicate together and also that she decided to avoid me. And I did agreed with her because I thought it would be better for us both.
Moving to the distant future, I regret for breaking our initial friendship. She is a rather interesting girl giving a fight in her life that I totally adore. One of the person that understands the people that suffer. I'd love that we could have those vain old irc discussions again like in the past. But my decision was to let it flow and not bother with her again. Because our communicationg was harming for her too. And I learned to accept that and move further.
I'd suggest that you let it flow, maybe it's better both for you and your friend to stay away, even if it's sad.
@apotheosis
Kosta I thought we were friends before I had to tell him that I don't feel the same way as him.Why do some men have to become first your friends and when you think you are friends this happens.You are right its an awful line I think I did not say it in that way but it had that context.
@storm
I have lost many friends because of that,people that were my friends for years (and my best friend).And it doesn't matter if you have a boyfriend or not.It is sad both ways...
@melomenos
Θα απαντήσω στην πυραμίδα στο επόμενο post.Σε ευχαριστώ για την τιμή!
@sunshine
To άσχημο είναι οτι βλεπόμαστε αναγκαστικά σε κάποιο μάθημα που κάνω.Αυτον σκέφτομαι αλλά αλήθεια στην αρχή ένιωσα μια απογοήτευση γιατι πρέπει κάποιος να προσπαθεί να γίνει φίλος σου πρώτα για να κάνει σχέση γιατι μου είπε οτι απο την αρχή ένιωθε έτσι ¨(
Βέβαια μου λείπει και η παρέα του.
Σε ευχαριστώ πολύ πολύ για το σχόλιο σου!Καλωςήρθες!
@οptimus
Ι think that there was a reason that you had to end the relationship because it could hurt you at the time,don't regret it.Its true that it could have developed in a wonderful frienship but maybe as storm says it would be a torture for you.I am sure that you will find that special person in real life where relationships are real and she will apreciate you for everything.Thank you for this soul sharing you are a wonderful person.
Πίστεψέ με,σε καταλαβαίνω πολύ.Είναι δύσκολο και για εκείνον,μη νομίζεις.Ίσως θέλησε ετσι να ξεκαθαρίσει κάποια πράγματα μέσα του ή να συμφιλιωθεί τώρα με τη νέα τάξη πραγμάτων.Θα υπέφερε,σίγουρα.Κι εσύ υποφέρεις γιατί δεν έχεις τη φιλία του,σε νιώθω.Κάτι μου λέει πως δε θα χαλάσει η φιλία σας!
Πάντως το εύχομαι!
Κρίμα... Αν και η δική του θέση είναι χειρότερη από τη δική σου. Εκείνος δεν έχασε μόνο τις ωραίες συζητήσεις σας, αλλά και την ελπίδα να σε κάνει κάποτε δική του. Μπορεί όμως κάποια στιγμή στο μέλλον να σε ξεπαράσει, και τότε έχετε μια πιθανότητα να ξαναβρείτε αυτό που χάσατε.
@gitsaki,3parties
Thank you so much for your comments!
Time will show what will happen...
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